if someone saw you cry...

So I have this student, who had a lot of issues this semester, being depressed, having an eating disorder, and it's been a struggle for me and him to get him through the semester. Today we had the final oral exam and he did pretty good (foreign language), it was sort of an interview for a student who wants to go to a foreign exchange and I asked him about his strengths, and he just said I doesn't have that many and was really not into talking about himself.

When the exam was over I said to him, he should have more confidence, and that there is no reason for him to beat himself up all the time, that he is talented and smart. And I said I wish him all the best for his future, and when I was waking him to the door, I noticed, that his eyes were welling up with tears. I already called next student, and he left, but it's been on my mind all day, whether I didn't hurt him or something, or if I said something what was out of line?

I really don't know if I should do something, or should I just pretend I haven't noticed? And like I said, he's been on my mind all day, and sometimes it's hard with the emotionally fragile people to find out, how they will actually react.

I want to ask mainly men, how would you want your teacher to react if they saw you crying?

So, what would you do it you were me?

He wasn't crying because you hurt him, he would have been a wee bit welled up due to you saying something nice to him that by the sounds of it he isn't used to. He sounds like someone with low self confidence/esteem. I wouldn't do anything as you have said your piece which was very nice and he is your student, as hard as it may seem you have to keep that professional distance. If you really feel like you need to do something, then maybe send him an email saying if he ever needs to talk you are prepared to listen, but keep it at a distance or it may become a difficult situation.

Hope all goes well...

Better than the headmaster who saw fit to say in front of about 60 parents and kids I was an exhibitionist - despite my having a hitherto-undiagnosed broken shoulder at the time...

But that wouldn't be a lot to ask. To be honest, I don't think gender's an issue here. Just say 'I'm guessing I hit a nerve with something I said - but I meant it about the confidence, you're a smart kid with a lot going for you. Feel free to come and talk about it sometime if you'd like'.

Y'know, that's what teachers are for. Well, OK, the ones who change people's lives for the better. And the fact that you're asking this suggests that's exactly the kind you are.

Thanks DTaylor, that's exactly what his problem is IMHO. And, yes, I want to keep as much distance as possible. He has a lot of problems, and he is having professional help, however, I wasn't sure if I just didn't add to his problem.


I think it is a little. If it was a girl, I know I would write her a long consoling email, but the whole culture with boys don't cry etc, makes me wonder whether it was better to pretend I haven't noticed.

Pretend that you have not noticed it. What you said is spot on, it is very kind you tried to encourage him. But you don't know how fragile he is and a further attempt may make him more ashamed. It all depends on his age, if he is younger than 17 and clever enough it is very likely that he will open himself up in the right time.

Exactly, the fact he is getting professional help probably means there is a lot more to it than you know. Let the pros do something about it :)

But thanks, in a roundabout way you have just reminded me I have a section to do tomorrow :D

Balls to that. As DT said observe the protocols, but don't assume every teenage bloke - especially the type you mention - fits the stereotype lock, stock and barrel.

Id second that for what its worth.


and that too.
Been there as the "sensitive boy" ,youve probably just become a bit of a hero to him,keep it distant but dont be distant,if that makes sense,just carry on being who you have been,which is obviously a nice person who this lad felt he could let his walls down for a brief moment.

But tommorow he may be completly embarresed about what happened so dont bring it up unless he does.

He actually is 20.

Ok, so I will pretend nothing happened, I saw nothing.

Send this kid to a doctor, he's obviously suffering from clinical depression. This is not a normal behavior. You supposed to know what questions to ask and how to proceed in situations like it.


Lol, Jesus Christ woman…

based on 6 lines of second hand generalisations and your medical degree and background in psychology/psychiatry I suppose?

Or maybe not.


Why not? What is normal behaviour?


Not really.

Like I said, he is seeing specialists. If you were him, how would you want your teacher to react?

I'm not diagnosing that kid, I’m just telling her what teachers would do here in the similar situation.

Here is another situation:
Lady: I saw a guy with a broken leg, he seemed in a lot of pain. What should I do?
Havok: Call the ambulance
isthatu2: What, are you a fucking doctor now Havok?


Google it. depression teacher's guide

er,more like,leave this sort of "advice" to the pro's,like say


Im aware there is a tendency in the US to over medicalise conditions and medicate "problem" kids,thankfully the pharma giants havnt quite got the hold here yet they do over the pond.

btw,my "minor" in collage was Psychology and Ive enough shrinks in the family to know that I know enough to be dangerous and its best to defer to the pro's .

This was merely concern,not a cock wagging contest between us this time :)

Yes, they tell you to send the kid to a doctor, notify parents, his academical advisor, the pope and the American president. But this all has been done. I just need to know if I need to follow up on today's event. And the majority says that I shouldn't.

record it, describe the behavior, the situation, your observations, time and date. File it for yourself and send a copy to his academic advisor. Don't ignore it, you may get sued if you work in the US. (for ignoring it.)

Not really relevant, one case is about a physical injury the other is about a psychological problem. Who knows, the kid might have just been having a bad day. As i said, unless someone comes directly to you asking for help then I would see no need to go phoning a doctor (which isn't the first protocol anyway). Only if you thought that person was in immediate danger to themselves or to others would you contact emergency services. As marynka said, she knows this person has issues and is dealing professionally with them. There is a danger that by contacting authorities you would be invading this persons private life which could in turn exacerbate his problems.

I'm tired after a 16 hour shift doing this stuff, enough psych fae me :D

it may be him that follows up today's event. if he feels he can trust u.

I'm not sure if you noticed yet but majority of people on this forum are idiots

That's not a problem. I'm one of them :)

That would indeed be the definition of someone who with no personal or profesional qualifications in a subject puts in their twopenneth worth.

OMG LMAO, you're a such idiot dude. ohhhhh, It's ok, this is just a stupid forum.

yup, coz,as I said,and if you were not laughing your arse off so much you might have spotted it....."no personal or profesi............." being as I was posting from the personal perspective of having gone through a bout of over sensitivity in my late teens, sorta makes you look a bit daft really :)

I know, it's a common thing, and most kids get over it sooner or later... but you see, here people go postal and on occasion gun down 32 other people at the campus, and themselves, in the process. I guess we're a nation of extremes.

She supposed monitor and report cases like it. It's a standard procedure and a common sense. That's why she gets payed the big bucks.

I apologize if i sounded rude. I didn't mean to.

LMAO

What I'm about to write might come off a bragging and navel-gazing, but I really wanted to put a happy end to the thread.

Today I finally got the students reviews from the course and here is a fragment of the review written by the student described in the OP: "During the class I had issues with depression and she was eager to help me through it. I honestly could not be more grateful to her for her help and sympathy".

God bless this kid, I hope he will overcome his issues.